A couple notes, speaking of old men on trains with a lot of shit on their minds…

Firstly, I am aware that adding my own trigger thoughts to photos I’ve taken and posted denies a viewer the opportunity to find their own narrative in the image. I will be doing less of that, though it’s clear to me that the reason I take the photos is that images do trigger narratives dormant within me. Those will be shared too but less so. There are other vehicles for such.

Secondly, I am continuing on this folky, country, far off, roaming musical voyage and heard a line from stoner folk bard Todd Snider that poked and jabbed at me. He said, it’s not the despair that gets you, it’s the hope. That is of course paraphrasing a line from Shakespeare, though be damned if I recall which play. The theme has been repeated throughout time in songs and film and onstage. It got to me most recently though through Todd. Well done, my friend. Even if it was something I was nattering away at in recent weeks right in this venue. I believe I said it was the expectations, or expecting specific outcomes or for people to act a certain way, that will fuck you sideways.

I was feeling shittily a few weeks back because I was offered support that was later denied even though I asked for a lot less than had been offered. It was surely despair and disappointment that I was feeling, but to be fair, all that happened was people offered shit they were in no position to. They probably hoped they could. I hoped they could. They couldn’t. So I’m the architect of my own despair on that one. And I know that someone will read this as bleak and despairing but it’s not. It just is what it is. My anger is gone.

Hell can be expectations sometimes and now someone is definitely going to take that poorly. They’ll say, oh there goes MacGregor being a miserable old cunt again. And I may just be a miserable old cunt sometimes, but today I feel okay and the plan is to just go about my business like the Johnny Appleseed of acceptance and good will.

And have no expectations nor hope of a specific outcome. Do what you will with it. I’m doing fine.