The dangers of checking one’s phone in the middle of the night, oddly. I’ve no memory of taking a photo but somehow this appeared this morning. It couldn’t be the dog, right?

The meditation of the day: The subject was confidence, or self-confidence. Subjects aren’t really chosen, are they? I was recently asked to rate my self-confidence on a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being the highest, or very confident. I’m aware that I come off to others as being either extreme, depending on how they catch me at a given moment. Confidence is, as with most ‘feelings’ I experience, a question of opposite poles. People do probably perceive me exactly as my feelings lay at the given moment.

My life is plagued with the same insecurities as any other person but there are moment of regression where something reaches up from the depths of the past and seizes me by the nape of my neck and guides one action or another. It’s difficult to escape the past altogether. A more realistic goal wouldn’t be to escape but hold onto it as a reference library. What happened happened and nobody is going back to change that. Another realistic goal, or a rephrasing of the former, might be to simply be mindful of feeling out of sorts, and why you’re feeling out of sorts (what might be informing the feelings, etc.) and modify reactions accordingly.

There was no pat answer to the confidence survey and it did really have to be sorted out. Am I very confident? No. Am I very insecure? No. What I am is fairly confident that the potential outcomes of anything that has be squirrelly are nowhere nearly as dire as my brain might be telling me in a down moment. I am confident that an action, and not a reaction, will put me in the clover.

Get the picture?

Oh, pictures. Somnambulist photography. I only wish I could figure out how to repeat the filter effect that turned me infrared orange. I would apply it to everything I shot for a week or so.