I don’t blame you for making me feel less about myself. I’m not a child and you’re not my mother. Only I can make me feel that way. I’m the only person that can let myself feel that way.

I believe this… thing.

I don’t believe in your god and I don’t believe you do either. I don’t believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Rabbit or a lot of things that you might.

I don’t believe you made me feel that way. That way where I found myself looking in the mirror one day and said…

Wait, what?

But don’t get it twisted. I don’t believe you’re a good person either. So don’t get all weird when I don’t answer your phone calls because I don’t believe you just want to see how I’m doing. I don’t believe you care about my dog. What I believe is that you want to validate that someone out there wants to talk to you. You want to believe that someone remembers you fondly as a good person.

And don’t get it twisted because I’m not bitter. I’m not angry. I just don’t want to hear it. I don’t listen to songs I don’t like either. Like, nah I’ve heard that one a thousand times and didn’t like it. It never even got stuck in my head despite me. You know that song? The one from 1989 that you didn’t like back then but when you hear it now and feel nostalgic?

I’m not nostalgic for this song. No familiar vibe. No catchy chorus. Had it not come on the radio I would have forgotten it existed.

But then there’s this song, but not from 1989. I’d say it was our song except it would imply that at some point I knew you. Bob Mould nails it though. If I ever really knew you I don’t now.