I clicked this out of curiosity. I mean, I’ve been drunk at 3am more than the average man, though not in a long while. I’ve been depressed (and depressing). I’ve been drunk at 3am and depressed. Let’s see if this sounds anything like I can remember it. Oops! Nope. It’s not countrified laments and dirges from the American past. This is indeed another lofi, hiphop, triphop mix from an internet stranger, and that’s actually comforting.

Maybe one day I’ll put together a mix of my old drinking standby songs. That could be an irresponsible move though. Can’t have people topping themselves to my personal history. Nobody needs that kind of guilt hanging over them, least of all me. I’ve worked hard to clean up my side of the street and make amends to folks I harmed. It’s late in the game to be starting all over.

Enough dark humor though. (Okay, never enough, but no need to share what people might misconstrue.) Another weekend is gone and I’m feeling “some kinda way” about that. It’s no joke now. A change of scenery is needed. It’s been way too long. There was Orlando in January but that was a work trip. It seemed like a vacation in some ways and that’s kind of fucked up. When you need a holiday so badly that a work trip seems like time away then a real escape is long overdue.

Itchy heels.

It’s not exactly how I envisioned 2020 but everyone else is thinking the same thing right now, unless there is someone out there who is exceptionally dull, or fucked up, or both. There were trips planned, from short hops upstate and to New England. There was England and Scotland. There was Portugal and Spain… and work travel. I entered the year believing that a good part of it would be spent running to and fro.

Yes, I hear The Crocodile now, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for tomorrow.” I hear you man. I’m just saying. And don’t worry about me, things are okay with me. Just not what was expected, but that’s a running thread for most peoples’ lives, no? It’s okay.

I’m okay.

This mix is really deadly, in an easy kind of low-key, lo-fi energy. Some of the samples are vaguely familiar, maybe the style more than the specific songs. It’s got a feel like riding along in the car as a passenger, someone else driving and half asleep with the radio going in and out. Drifting in and out of dreams that will have disappeared upon waking, except for the memory of dreaming and drifting. Those are the best dreams anyway, the ones you don’t remember well enough to bother thinking about. Not everything has to have some deep meaning. Not everything has to be a vital message from the ether or from dead relatives or outers space. Just wake up and carry on like they never happened dreams. Not that introspection is a bad thing in the right amount. Anything over a certain amount though is just wankery. You’re fooling yourself if you think everything that happens in your head is of vital import. Sometimes, and maybe often, it’s just a random feed of bits and bytes. Nonsense. Blissful nonsense.

I guess it’s time to start the part of the day that pays the bills.

Okay then.