This is where things are at the moment. It’s an autumn thing. It’s more of a melancholic tone than an actual state of being. Things are cool. This is my time of year. This is where I come to life.

Tracklist:

0:00:00 Плейлист Венкова – За окном светло 0:01:59 Небо Над Головой – Хрущёвская оттепель 0:04:58 Дурной Вкус – Навсегда 0:08:25 Забавные Игры – Эхо лета 0:11:56 Сладких! – Приезжай 0:16:21 Аудиокассета – Живу прошлой весной 0:19:21 Тима Ищет Свет – Волна 0:22:32 Fleece Flower – Миг 0:25:49 Дурной Вкус – With You 0:28:04 Галантерея – Романтическая 0:31:13 Конец Солнечных Дней – Танцы 0:33:38 Буерак – На старых сидениях кинотеатра 2 0:36:30 Группа Хмурый – Табачный дым 0:38:50 Пустота Вещей – Не интересен 0:42:20 Небо Над Головой – Искра свободы 0:45:48 Mono Death – Берега 0:49:35 Наверное Радость – Не творится 0:52:05 Вино В Пакете – Скоро ты забудешь 0:55:32 Рыцарь Диких Яблок – Дом 0:58:09 Галантерея – Комната 1:01:19 Небо Над Головой – Я хотел быть космонавтом 1:03:47 Небо Над Головой – Летний дождь 1:06:15 Водоемы – Заря 1:08:55 Corn Wave – Evening 1:13:14 Corn Wave – National Geographic 1:17:23 Пустота Вещей – Кто виноват? (cover Воскресенье) 1:21:47 Mono Death – Расстройство (cover Joy Division)

I throw up the track list just in case someone who happens by actually does speak Russian. The rest of us have to map our way by sound. Like… that one at 31:13 was nice. Check that.

We wrapped up our last live event for the year. It was a pleasant surprise, not without snags, but more positive by far that I might have imagined from speaking to potential attendees for the last four months. The conversations, despite my efforts to infuse them with positivity and hope, were dour and repetitive.

I don’t know if I feel safe.

You can’t plan in advance anymore.

Maybe next year…

It’s been an exhausting six months in that respect. It’s been the same conversations over and over and over. People are coming to terms with uncertainty and vulnerability. I suspect there will be a tipping point where everyone (or most people) just says fuck it and makes the decision to just go with the flow and be happy despite the knowledge that they are not the driver. That they are not the ones at the wheel. We shall see, but if the last few days have been any indicator, there was a lot of joy and relief, a sense of freedom perhaps.

But I am tired.

I am tired.

Not unhappy at all, but tired.