Not losing the vibe yet. Not stepping out of the groove. This one is a killer too. You can’t call it a banger. It would be a contradiction of terms. It doesn’t slap. It’s not really what you would call lit. Those terms as they’ve come to be used aren’t really so much in my vocabulary anyway. What is it then? It’s a… groove. A mood, if you will, but a groove.

And with the same ease, in that groove, I’m sliding into the holiday. I’m a week away from a twelve year sober anniversary. Kat asked if I’d be celebrating it and that’s an interesting choice of words. People do celebrate such things. Will I be celebrating? Um… it’s safer for me to just quietly observe these milestones, so it depends on how you define celebration. It’s an observance for me. It’s a celebration of life and growth and not so much enlightenment as lightening the load. It’s been, with the exception of those first couple years, a respectful observance. It’s a few silent prayers of thanks.

Christmas is right on the heels of that, and then a week off, and then New Years Eve, which is another one I’ve traditionally observed in a more quiet fashion. I don’t even remember what I did last year. The year prior was spent with someone talking about our coming year together that never seemed to quite gel in my mind. It never gelled in reality either and was over by the spring and there was no surprise there. All the best of intentions were in effect, you know? Life and relationships take a lot more than intentions though. Intentions and a few bucks will get you a ride on the subway, and only one way. Good intentions are kind of bullshit.

The plan though is just to ease into it all with no real intent but to keep on keeping on but do things better than 2021. And to do it all with as few expectations as possible. Expectations are hard to let go of. They’re like gum on the bottom of your shoe in mid-summer. You scrape and scrape and fuss and shuffle and it’s still there fucking with you. Expectations will mess you up. Trust me on that one. There’s may a slip twixt a up and a lip. Just do the right thing, whatever that is for you. Keep it moving.

My morning rant is looking all woo woo today, but that doesn’t mean it’s not for real. That’s just where things sit this morning. It’s just where it sits.

I could just as easily go back to sleep, but I can’t really, sadly. Oh well.