I’ll tell you what. It’s not that I’ve never cared who wins all this, or who loses. It’s really only a question that it’s come to feel so much bigger than myself, that my efforts no longer matter. That everyone on either side might be better off without the weight of those to weary to carry a weapon. That… something… I’m disheartened. Victory seems very, very distant. Not even impossible. Who would be foolish enough to make a call at this point and claim that one side will win out, either through superior strength, or intestinal fortitude, or moral superiority. That last part has become so slippery that I don’t even want to approach the conversation.
I only know what I know, and that’s very little. I know what I am capable of , and that’s not feeling like much. Someone at some point might come along and convince me to pick up and wade back in, but for now… and it would, by the way, have to be someone who can come to me straight up and give me 100% real. Half-honesty is also half-lie. Think about it.
I’ve put my trust in mythology before, and it doesn’t feel good when the veil falls from your eyes, and you realize you’ve committed serious misdeeds in the name of… nothing.