Я не понимаю, зачем просыпаюсь по утрам means “I don’t know why I wake up in the morning.” It would be dishonest to say that the sentiment goes over my head, or under for that matter. I get it. Finding a point to all this isn’t always particularly easy. It’s occurred to me on more than one occasion that the meaning to all this is that there is no meaning. Take your gods out of the occasion and we’re just especially clever mammals, and we never really discuss mammals as having some cosmic purpose or place beyond the food chain. They do seem to be able to keep an ecological balance though which can’t really be said of humans. Who knows though really? There were probably animals being culled to extinction in some places before there were humans. The only difference is that we started recording such things.
So yah, I get it. It’s hard to find a real reason to wake up in the morning and be a part of all this, except that there are few other options. I have bad days where I want to stay in bed, but the bills still need to be paid, don’t they? We’re in the game whether we want to be or not. Then there are other days where not having to find meaning is liberating! Imagine that! It can be freeing. Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose, and all that. Great words from Kris Kristofferson, kind of a Cosmic Cowboy if there ever was one. I don’t know what the words to any of these Russian songs are. It doesn’t seem to matter. I’ve been on this kick for a while now and it seems to be sticking. Part of the appeal, I believe, is the darkness of the photos. There is a strange isolated feel, even in the photos with more than one person. I don’t quite understand it but I absolutely feel it. That’s all I want. I want to feel something that’s all mine. Just mine.