Yah… so here’s the deal. I’ve tried to explain this so many times over the years how it comes on and just wrecks my fucking head. It’s hard to say which is worse, the pain in the moment or knowing that once the first one comes down like a hammer that they could keep coming in at will for weeks on end. Usually at night, the cluster headaches that is. Right in the middle of a sound sleep or any kind of pleasant dream they come in like wake up motherfucker it’s time to play. Not like a regular headache where you kind of feel it coming on for a bit. Not like a migraine where you have a warning and can settle in. It’s like someone breaking into your house, sneaking up on you while you’re in bed, and then smashing you in the temple with a bat. That’s no exaggeration, like people always want you to know that their pain is special and they just don’t know blah blah blah. They call these things “suicide headaches” because it feels like the whole fucking universe has come in demanding payment for everything you ever did or think you ever did. It’s punishment. It’s hell, and it hurts so bad you really believe that you must’ve done something really bad. It’s broken bone pain. Crippling. Flat out you don’t even want to recover like when you have a killer hangover and you pray and say hey god I promise if you take care of me I’ll never… blah blah blah. No. This comes on so hard and fast you’re just like, end this shit for good. So right now I’m just tired but I’m afraid too. I’m fucking terrified of falling asleep because that’s when they usually come. I’m afraid.