A lifehack: Accepting an apology isn’t the same as forgiving and sure isn’t the same as forgiving and forgetting. Accepting an apology is making is making a commitment in the moment that the person offering is sincerely sorry and agreeing to move beyond the offense. Forgiveness isn’t so much an action like accepting the apology as it is ongoing action to move towards a goal.

Don’t accept an apology if you’re not ready to commit to the ongoing action to move toward forgiveness. Don’t accept an apology and just add the offense to an ammunition box to draw from later. People often do that and as far as I’m concerned it’s as bad as the initial offense.

You don’t have to accept an apology and you don’t have to forgive. We all have the concept of forgiveness hammered into us from an early age but are rarely if ever taught how to do it. I agree that there are emotional and spiritual benefits to learning to forgive but it’s really a question of not bearing the burden of ongoing resentments, which absolutely will impact all your relationships. They create anxiety and paranoia. They create unhealthy relations with everyone in your world.

You should certainly know how to do it, and practice it whenever possible, but you don’t have to do it, and there are situations where it’s healthier not to accept and forgive. You don’t have to accept it, and you don’t have to forgive, but you don’t have to carry it around with you either.

Why am I carrying on about this at 6am on a Monday? It’s mostly for my own benefit, probably. It’s part of my practice. It’s reinforcement.

More at another time.