This guy’s/person’s channel is pretty fascinating. They must have a hell of an archive of 80s tunes from around the world because there are weeks of music posted up there in 2 and 3 hour mixes. They captioned this one last year, early on in the pandemic with this:

“Ok, it’s uncertain times, some of us have lost our jobs, some are luckier to still have a job, either working from home or still heading to an actual workplace. Can’t get together with friends and family, no dinning out, no sports. We are all in this together and we will surely pull through. Given all that’s going on, here’s some music, exactly 3.5 hour of 80’s lesser known new wave songs to listen to, to kills the loneliness of long days of social distancing.”

Uncertain times indeed. I’d been working from home for about two weeks and was still convinced that we’d back to our regular lives soon, for better and for worse. Hell, now it’s become a vibe. There is talk about going back to the nine to five and I honestly don’t know if I’m ready. A half dozen or so of my co-workers were in the office yesterday and we did a zoom conference, and I admit I was struck by a weird sense of nostalgia looking at panoramic view of the office. Yet… I don’t know if I’m ready to go back to that routine. If not now, when? It’s not going to be today though, so for now there’s my work-from-home setup and there’s this 80s mix that will carry the day through the next few hours at least. And then? Rinse and repeat? We’ll see.

I guess things still feel uncertain for me. It’s not all about Covid-19 now though. It’s a question of what the fuck I’m doing with this last quarter (perhaps) of my life. That sounds like very ambitious and even grandiose thinking for a Friday morning on only half a cup of coffee, but we’ll examine it more later. There isn’t much time for navel gazing this morning. That’s what it is though, just navel gazing. Decisions will be made, most of them not by me, and my life will move forward in a balance of hating them and accepting them anyway.

Blah.

Insert wry smile here. Listen to the music.

00:00​ The Press Club – I’m Watching You 00:03:37​ Tools Of Romance – I Won’t Wait 00:08:12​ No I.D. – Sticky Guilt 00:12:07​ Primary Colours – Paint Love Blue 00:15:59​ Paradox – One Look 00:20:04​ Mood Section – Just Keep On 00:24:06​ Afterwords – Forever 00:27:27​ The Expression – Total eclipse 00:32:44​ Private Sector – Drowned 00:37:12​ Degrees Of Freedom – In This Room 00:40:43​ Darkroom-c – Close Your Eyes 00:45:03​ Immunity – Round Midnight 00:49:11​ Counterfeit – The Good Samaritan 00:53:13​ Absolute 9 – Love And Work 00:56:59​ The Mood – Don’t Let Me Down 01:01:12​ Partners In Crime – Tell Me Now 01:04:57​ Sons And Lovers – Every Indication 01:10:25​ Camera – Replicant 01:12:51​ Minks – Surprised 01:16:36​ T-4-2 – Paper Thin 01:20:50​ Times – Take Me Away 01:24:00​ Face Of Concern – Brighter Days 01:27:08​ Davy & Z-Vue – Is This Love 01:30:43​ Glorious Strangers – Modern Life 01:34:29​ Erth – The View 01:38:33​ The Fans – Love Me Like a Stranger 01:42:35​ Panoramas – Amanda 01:46:17​ Next Exit – Caution, Contents Under Pressure 01:49:56​ National Pastime – It’s All A Game 01:53:53​ Morning Star – Connection 01:57:57​ Edge Of The Wedge – Animated Lover 02:01:33​ Secret Steps – Confidential 02:06:03​ Bangah – Every Wave 02:11:16​ Perspex Spangles– The Great Winter 02:15:26​ Neurons – Midnight Meetings 02:19:48​ Native Alien – Ways Of A Man 02:23:55​ Cook Da Books – Golden Age 02:29:42​ Comateens – Don’t Come Back 02:32:40​ Clancy Carroll – Hollow Man 02:36:45​ Computer Sex – Be free 02:42:12​ The Wonders Of Science – Big Picture 02:46:36​ Alastair Riddell – Zero 02:49:55​ Sons Of Heroes – Strange Eyes 02:54:24​ Sensible Shoes – Game 02:58:08​ Industry – State Of The Nation 03:02:36​ Nick Haward – Grey Day 03:06:05​ Velvascurge – …In The Numbers 03:10:27​ All Fall Down – Arecibo 03:13:51​ Living Links – Gathering The Forces 03:18:35​ Sight Unseen – Is This Heaven

There are some real bangers in this mix. Most of the names are unfamiliar. A few ring a bell. It’s all working here this morning. I’ll be thinking about the idea of uncertainty this morning. A year ago today things felt uncertain, but I’m going to assert again is things were already uncertain prior to Covid-19. It just took a disruption to make us aware that we’re not in the driver’s seat. Certainty only ever exists in a very limited context. A + B + X = ??? There is always an X or two that we don’t think to take into account when we’re making our plans for the next day. We don’t know if it’s UPPERCASE or lowercase but it’s always there, whether it becomes a catalyst of change for the outcome or not. Maybe that’s why I dread going back to the commute. The current situation has lessened the impact of X and gave me a sense of security (also false) that wasn’t there under the previous circumstance.

Again, there is always an X. I just haven’t identified it yet. And maybe I shouldn’t be so content with the current situation anyway. It’s just a plateau and level ground can feel secure.

But enough navel gazing this morning. I’m starting to bore myself, in an attempt to understand and explain these feelings. Me and my great big feelings…