Thinking quite a bit about the word, or the idea, quotidian. So many days there is absolutely nothing to say. It doesn’t feel like there is nothing to say. The energy is there, pushing outwards, as if there should be words propelled forth when the energy is released, but there is nothing there but the energy, or anxiety itself.

Photos can say so much more. The everyday items around me are more interesting by themselves than anything that might be written about them or anything that’s going on in my day to day life. They tell their own story, or anyone who sees them can make up their own. My day to day life?

Quotidian.

It may just be a spell of temporary boredom, just shy of tedium or ennui. Who knows? It’s all just maintenance lately. There is work, which is fairly enjoyable. There is exercise. There is music and literature. I’m occupying myself with the external, which works for now. I’m not exactly dissatisfied, but let’s clarify that lack of satisfaction isn’t the same as dissatisfaction. Not quite happy doesn’t mean unhappy. We always forget the middle ground. There are fewer words in our language and lexicon to describe the middle ground. We have joy and we have grief on either pole and that’s where we focus our language. There must be something interesting in between the two. Most of our lives are spent in between the two, or actively chasing one and avoiding the other.

So much of our lives is spent in that middle ground that we become tempted to ascribe joy or grief to fairly quotidian or mundane things and events just to jumpstart feelings. We force ourselves to be excited by things that really aren’t all that… and here I could list the superlatives we use: amazing, badass, cool, genius, great, incredible… We could run through the alphabet finding words we hear used every day to name things and events that really aren’t all that.

This is starting to sound like an indictment. It’s not. I’m just trying to be real about where I am. I can’t pretend to be emotionally or intellectually or spiritually moved by days that are very much like the day before. There are, of course, moments of grace and moments of laughter, or of sorrow, but it would be dishonest to lapse into undeserved superlatives. It could all change tomorrow anyway, or even today. It’s not even 6am and the sun isn’t up yet. I’m entirely open to the idea that this could end up being the most incredible day of my life, or even the worst. I’m open to it all. It’s cruise control in the meantime though. Push a button and sit back.

That’s not to say that I’m taking no proactive measures to move forward and make changes, above and beyond the daily maintenance. Again, I’m just being honest about where my head is at. There’s no sense in pretending, is there?

All this said, it’s been a long week and it’s not quite over. The photo above made me laugh. It’s me. I’m of two minds today. They’re both burnt toast. Today I will scrape off the charred parts, butter up and move into the routine. There will be time to recharge. It’s all good.

Quotidian. This is as close as I’ll ever come to using it in conversation.