Now I’m behind glass
I’ll talk to you
The telephone lines blind
You have defaced my face
I bet you laughed at me
You bright young things
And now I need no-one
I miss you, so

Please push no more
Please push no more

Now it’s all over for sure
I’ll walk back home
We must all come down
We all grow old
We are close, we are hurt
So that was love
And love she kills me
It needs to, so

Please push no more
Please push no more

Please push no more
Please push no more

It’s funny that this is the one that nearly broke the lease. The one that had the police called. The one that had the landlord shouting. It sounds so subdued until it’s pushed through 500 watts of amplification and giant Cerwin Vega cones.

It was maybe January 1986 and the heat only worked sometimes but sometimes felt like enough. The ashtrays were always full and so was my head. None of my memories of that time are of daylight. Vampire gaunt and dressed like a rock star, always standing on the edge of my world and everyone else’s. It was probably by chance that I signed on to everyone else’s if I am to be honest. I can’t recall making a conscious decision to cross back over the line. No regrets for having done so at all, just that I’ve no recollection of choosing it. Have to think about that more.

The bedroom was up in the garret and the ceiling slanted sharply in on both sides so I could only stand fully upright in the center of the space. The small parlor/dining room was downstairs and one wall was floor to ceiling mirror. I often scared the fuck out of myself as I came down the stairs and rounded the corner to the toilet and the reflection of a tall thin man came out of the darkness at me.

It’s curious that I’ve never written anything about those days, or nights as the case may be. It doesn’t really seem like my life though of course it was. It just seems more like something someone told me.