I worry sometimes what the poor beast has witnessed.

Suffering… is that the right word? We’ll go with it for lack of a better word. No, let’s call it “experiencing.” I’ve been experiencing an interesting phenomenon in recent years. It’s the experience of continually being the oldest person in any social situation and the inherent disconnect of generational differences. The common ground is often difficult to discern and while quite wonderful when it’s established it can be confounding until it is.

It began for me with the increasingly frequent demises of generational heroes. The news comes through the wires and the punch to the solar plexus comes. You look at the room around you. You maybe mention it to someone sitting near and they are un-phased with no clue who you’re referring too. The event is meaningless to them. You can’t really be angry at the lack of reaction. Not realistically speaking. Sure, maybe they should express more compassion even in their ignorance, but maybe the real selfishness is the expectation of compassion. The end is the same though. There is a disconnect.

There is a continuing disconnect in historical context for any and all world events. Why is something meaningful? Why is something not meaningful? Politics, art, film, music, fashion, humor, or just the passage of time itself. Two people can witness the exact same event and the meaning is simply different. There is no common ground. There is no singleness of purpose.

It can be incredibly lonely sometimes and for those like me who are prone to isolation or even anger, thoughts head south quickly and the questions arise:

What the hell am I doing here?

That’s the big question so there is no need for a list. That’s the important one. Sense of purpose is lost with sense of connection. Sense of value can feel unsteady. I’m also prone to self-deprecation so I’m the first to say “Okay, Boomer…” and laugh at myself. There is a recognition that it’s just feelings but that doesn’t necessarily eliminate the feelings. The feelings can be turned inwards or they can be turned outwards but they generally generate a degree of bitterness. It doesn’t matter which direction the bitterness turns. Neither is healthy.

I tend to turn it outwards and there are certainly easy targets. I work with a large number of 20-somethings and it’s not time for a diatribe. Let’s just say it can be difficult to be amongst not just a generation but a class/demographic that has been raised in a degree of privilege. We’re talking about a demographic that was raised to believe that all their feelings, thoughts and ideas matter first and foremost in the world. It’s a group that was simply not raised with the concept of an inside voice. They were never told that children should be seen and not heard. They were never told to just shut the fuck up.

My generation was hammered with the words, “You are not special.” That was damaging.

Their generation was hammered with the words, “You ARE special.” Maybe the YOU should be capitalized. That was equally damaging.

That is irony.

It’s a generational rift caused by pronouns. The emphasis on a “we” is removed. People are no longer taught to seek common ground. People are taught quite the opposite, that “I” i the most important objective. It manifests in a lack of recognition of shared space and a shift to personal space. I need this much space for me and my stuff. I am in my headspace so don’t disrupt it. I cannot be troubled to be considerate of your space and your stuff.

People don’t even share music. That’s really just alien to me.

Anyway, this is sounding like a diatribe and it’s really not. It’s a question. How can I know my role and my identity in a group where there is really no group? When it’s just a collection of people in the same space but not sharing the same space? Younger people don’t seem to see a problem and that is a generational difference. How can you be considerate of individuals when you’re not conscious that you are a group? Whether you choose to believe it or not, any time you are in a common space you are in a sort of tribe.

Blah… stream of consciousness doesn’t work for this. It requires more advance thought or this will just be an accidental diatribe.

More at another time.