Bless their cold, flinty, black hearts for making music like this. It’s not without camp for certain, but the whole noir jazz/dark jazz thing just nails it. Maybe it all says as much about me and my bent for melodrama, but who cares? It’s a mood. Bohren & Der Club of Gore have a place in my world.

Maybe I need to expatriate and bugger off for Eastern Europe once and for all to find this mood. Only thing is, what happens when the mood lifts? Who knows? I’ve reached that place really where one place is the same as the next. This is me, and it’s who ‘me’ will be anywhere else. My identity is portable now and not chained to externals. It sure took long enough, but it happened.

How long would it take to miss New York City? Would that happen at all? There is a small handful of people, but that gets smaller every year. I just don’t know. It pays to be cautious about an ache to pick up and move permanently (as permanent as permanently ever is) to another place. You have to be mindful of motivations. Are you running to something or running away from something. My ache feels like the former. It’s a longing for newness and adventure, more than a need to escape. Nobody is going anywhere now though so it’s all just a pipedream.

I’m grateful for this time, these last six months, to be able to get centered (despite any melancholic spells). It really could be the last chance any of us will have in our lives to slow down long enough to think and just be. No snap judgments and decisions are necessary for the average person. There is time for reason and reflection. Hell, there’s time for gratitude!

I am going to map out a trip though, for when all the restrictions lift. For now, there’s Bohren.