Flesh beneath eyes hanging like old sweat socks off of geriatric ankles. How can I be so bad at sleep after so much practice?

Comfortable in my own skin? Sure, but I should be. I’m an XL inside a 2XL suit purchased at Goodwill. It’s shabby and outdated but it’s comfortable enough. Comfortable enough to sleep in, if sleep were as easy as some people claim.

I suppose I’m going to stick to this “having grown older” kick. I’m not the only one thinking about it. Relative strangers feel very comfortable broaching the subject with me that seems to be taboo for a lot of others. I’m not so hung up. Talking about it isn’t going to make any of us die any sooner or later. May as well get used to it, rather than add it to an already long list of shit to be frightened of. These are the facts. You may or may not get old, but sooner or later you’re going to die. I am too.

I do think a lot about legacy, and it’s not so much about immortal legend or anything like that. Any real man outgrows that. Few of us are going to be remembered beyond a generation or two, with any accuracy anyway. There has to be something real to pass on though. I have come upon a few basic truths about the time we spend here trudging about this muck. I covered some of it in my last post. It would be easy enough to go back and add to that and edit some, but why. Many of the thoughts are only half-formed into words and sentences.

Here’s one to chew on for a bit. Whatever you’re feeling in this very moment, be it good or bad, is going to pass. Furthermore, it will pass and you won’t really remember much of what made you feel that way. You’ll spend a lot of time trying to figure that out to recreate the feeling if it’s good, or to avoid it if it’s bad. Chances are you’ll be wrong and spend a lot of time disappointed.

On top of that, if you try to make a good feeling last longer than its time you will spoil it and make things worse. And if you try to make a bad feeling pass before its time it’s going to last a lot longer. No matter what it is, accept the moment and ride it out. You probably didn’t take any action to create the best and worst things that have ever happened to you. Forget what people say about “manifesting.” That’s bullshit. The wheel was set in motion long before you took any action. You can spend years following a river back to its source and never really find it. It started in a rain cloud somewhere before your ancestors were born. This is true of everything in your life.

That’s what I’ve got for today. That’s what living a little longer has shown me. Most of what I’ve sweated and toiled over came to nothing or even less, it came to no good at all. Still, many good things have happened to me and for me, probably outweighing the bad. Life is funny like that sometimes.

So I guess what I’m saying is to take it easy.