Inner struggles… I talk about struggles with “demons” or other people struggling with such, but sometimes it’s not a question of self-destructive tendencies so much as it’s harboring two equally valid and good philosophies that are simply at odds with each other.

Example?

Okay, here’s one. I look with admiration upon these noble few that move through life in humility and anonymity, committed to noble deeds and kindness with little to no expectations of any recognition or recompense. do exist, you know. I’ve witnessed them quietly moving through and doing their thing. Then I think to myself, and here’s the kicker… “That’s what I want to be known for!” So much for humility and anonymity.

Famous for being humble and anonymous doesn’t work, does it?

On another note, I’ve been thinking about my writing, I’m pretty sure one of the failures to communicate meaningfully in writing is that while I talk an awful lot about feelings, I sort of just assume that people know what feelings feel like and don’t paint a particularly keen portrait that readers might connect to. So my goal is to paint a portrait of what and how the feelings make me see my surroundings.

For some reason I’ve got Sartre’s Nausea in mind. There was a part when he’s in the park, looking at the twisted, black roots of a tree. He found them grotesque and they gave him anxiety and turned is stomach. While I found reading him tedious, I only just understood what the roots were. Only just now.

So a place holder here. Just a placeholder.