It rained on the overnight, at some point in the wee, wee hours. The clock with the big numbers was unplugged, but it was well past midnight. You can always tell more or less because the frequency of the cars passing below lessens. They come in like a slow, rolling surf instead of the steady hum that goes until about 10 or 11. I didn’t see the rain. No way I was getting out of bed to look out the window. I didn’t even really hear the rain itself, but the car wheels on the pavement hiss, rather than buzz.

Sssssssss….

Ssssssss…

Sssssss…

Ssssssleep wasn’t really my friend on the overnight. It wandered in and out of the room to check on me, like a duty nurse at a hospital. Just making sure you’re comfortable. Just have to check this. Don’t mind me.

Look ssssssister. Just stay or go. The in and out is wrecking my head. Stay or go.

Shhhhh. Ressssssst.

Ssssssss…

It wasn’t the headaches this time. It was the ghosts. It was the memories. They kept creeping in through the turnstiles. Oh, just checking on you, MacGregor. Making sure you’re still here. Are you comfortable? Good. Yes, we are still around. Don’t mind us.

Shhhh. Resssssst.

Sssssssee you tomorrow night.

Sssssss…

And so it went all night. I surrendered shortly before 5 and took the dog for a stroll. The air was heavy. Nobody out walking at that hour. A guy filling up at the all night gas station on Coney Island Avenue. It could have been my imagination but it seemed he was looking at me. Following me with his eyes as I passed. What exactly did he see? A man not quite standing upright and an old dog. What else? What else could it be? No, it had to be my imagination.

The air is heavy. The soles of my feet are itchy. I think I need to feel the earth moving beneath my feet. I need to go someplace and reboot. Most of the ghosts won’t come with me. A few will, but most of them won’t. It will be quieter, at least.

Quiet.

What is that? Italicize ‘is.’ Capitalize it. Use a larger font. Do some fucking thing that might stress that I really don’t know quiet. I need to reacquaint myself with quiet. It’s just never fucking quiet in New York City, the same way it’s never really dark. When you’re deep in the shit it feels like you’re shut in a room where they pipe in white noise and white light.

Quiet would be nice.

Dark would be nice.