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It didn’t really occur to me until considering the title of this 2014 solo album by HANTE., aka Hélène de Thoury of Minuit Machine and Phosphor (I’ve posted music by both.), that “fall and rise” is or could be quite different than a rise and fall. The latter indicates coming up from nowhere to an inevitable crash, but the former suggests a rebirth or reincarnation… or it could. Of course it’s really about putting the weight on the word ‘fall.’ To my mind at least, based on everything I know about the history of the word in art and literature, it suggests a lapse into disgrace.

But that may be reaching… This isn’t anything to do with the history of Minuit Machine or Phosphor or her career. That would be facile and childish. It’s really just my thoughts on the thematic approach to the music itself, and the journey of creation and recreation. And of course the first track on the album is titled Fall From Grace. Whether or not she is talking about herself or just engaging in a fictional account remains to be seen. There may not be much of a difference anyway. There isn’t with a lot of people. How much of autobiography is simply fiction, unintentional and otherwise? Memory is as it is. Same goes for self-honesty and self-delusion.

Darkwave is as coldwave is as post-punk is and it’s not all dark, but this is.

Feeling a bit numb, beginning the second day back in the “real” world. Numb might be the best way for the moment. There were some heavy feels coming in on the final days of the holiday break. It’s still not entirely clear if they were connected to memory or projection into coming months, or perhaps both. There came a point in the last hours of Sunday night that tears started, not in any meaningful way, but they came. A light drizzle. It’s been ages since it’s really poured. It often seems I’m right on the brink of a good ugly cry, but it doesn’t seem to happen and heaven only knows what’s holding it back. It could actually be cathartic and helpful, but yet… It could just be what holds me back from rising after a grand fall. And then again I have to question if there really was a fall. Can you fall when you’ve started at the bottom? And again from there, that makes me laugh. Pride in reverse can make one believe that it couldn’t get lower.

But it makes no sense to continue on in uncertainty. It’s just rambling, after all.