Sometimes it’s more about the mood or the vibe than the songs, not quite background music but not quite an album that the listener has to fully engage with. Sometimes it’s both and that’s the way this one is leaning. Put it on as background music and end up fully immersed, like wading in the shallows and stepping off the edge into the deep end.

Yup, here I am treading water lightly and floating a bit. This dude (dude?) puts together some incredible mixes. Definitely a YouTube star.

Another Monday morning, the first of a new month, deep into Spring now. The goal for today is to slide in and get as much as possible done without getting too frantic. Let’s see how that goes.

I tried to talk a friend out of a funk yesterday and I don’t know if I’m the right person to do that. What works for me, if it can even be said that it’s working, isn’t going to work for everybody. I’ve mostly surrendered to things that are bigger than I am and I try to stick to basics. Other people haven’t let go of the questions about what this is all about.

M: It is pointless to be up or down. That’s the lifehack. Accepting that there is no point. It’s liberating.

T: Pointless to be out of bed!

M: I wasn’t asking for clarification. I was agreeing.

T: What’s liberating?

M: Accepting that there is no point. Makes it easier to get up. But I can’t find anything entertaining in bed.

T: Right…

M: Consider the routines of old people. They get up and move around. Maybe go somewhere and across from another old person. Then they go back to bed. There is no big point, but they confirm each other’s suspicions that they are still alive. Then they go home and nap. It’s not so bad.

T: Is that what’s going on? I feeling like I’m waiting to hear of people dying. And I have been. Is that all there is to look forward to?

M: It is if you stay in bed, yes. Look, if there were any big secrets or answers I would tell you. My life is nothing to write home about but every day I find at least one thing that makes me happy I experienced it. Whether I am lonely, which is usually. Or in some discomfort which is often enough. But I end every day with an inventory of experiences. Nothing life changing. Merely life affirming.

T: I just need to cry more. The habit of not crying is a hard one to break. When I cry I get relief.

M: I cried watching Vincenzo on Netflix. I am shameful and don’t care. Not crying is for punks. Don’t be a punk.

That was the tail end of a conversation which pretty much sums up my life philosophy. I’m walking the edge of a precipice. On one side is nihilism, where I have spent a considerable amount of time. On the other is Zen, where I’m spending more time. My life isn’t exactly happy. It’s not what you could call unhappy either. Both co-exist in each of my waking days, but I get out of bed to make sure the balance remains, and perhaps to tilt it all in favor of happy. I’m not going to fight the rest too hard. That’s bound to just create more pressure. It’s not quite 8 am though and I’ve found this mix. Even the Calvin & Hobbes collage image makes me happy. Bingo! That’s the start of my inventory for the day.

This isn’t going to work for everybody. It’s working for me for now. That’s about as close to living in the present as a person is going to get when they have a long past. What is it they say about water under the bridge? Some of it is real water. Some of it is imagined, and that’s a fact. Either way you can’t call it all back and do it over.

Rule Number 1: No do-overs!

I really don’t know anything else about this world except that you can stay in bed and wait to hear about people dying, or you can get up and at least be part of the flow of that water under the bridge. You can have a past, a whole past with good stuff and bad stuff. Or you can have nothing. The ability to get out of bed is its own reward and the only reward. Other than this I have zero wisdom to impart.

Hello Monday. Good to see you again, but I didn’t expect it would be so soon.