Homeboy put this one up two days ago and mine is just the 100th view/listen. His lack of reach notwithstanding, DJ Fabio still spins fire. This mix is pretty incredible. Best described as hard and heavy, perhaps. It’s brutal at points. It’s just right. Dude isn’t playing around.

It was a productive enough day, overall. It’s strange to be/feel caught up with shit for the first time in twenty months or more. There’s still plenty to do but what’s leftover isn’t on me. My part is taken care of. All that’s left now is “the other guys.” No doubt it will shift back at some point but for now, my plate is clean. There isn’t a full work week left for 2021. The year is essentially over, from a work perspective. It feels… suspicious? That’s where things stand. Don’t trust a good feeling. Don’t be too certain of anything Not just yet. The words of The Crocodiles continue to echo: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for tomorrow.

What if you don’t believe in a god?

Shut the fuck up, kid. What you believe doesn’t matter. It’s still true. I don’t remember the last time I regretted taking this path, or if there was ever a moment when I did. There was never a single moment where not picking up was a struggle, but then again, that’s not usually the way it works. You stay vigilant because shit sneaks up on you. We all have blind spots. That’s how it’s been every time I’ve picked up smoking again. It wasn’t a case of thinking about it incessantly for days and days, or being stressed. It happened at moments of very little stress. I walked by a bodega, after years of abstinence, and then turned inside and bought a pack.

Pow! Hello to my old friend. Hey man, who else is hanging around tonight? We could party! And it could be just that simple. So…

It is true. I believed it was true before Covid-19 and Donald Trump and supply chain shortages and conspiracies and all that. Now I’m certain it’s true. The only thing that is certain is that shit will continue to be uncertain. So you might as well have a soundtrack, and a solid, bass-heavy EBM mix will do the trick in most cases. Try this tracklist:

• Aghast View – Sanctimonious
• amGod – Fight (Breakdown Mix)
• Controlled Fusion – Destroyed Hopes
• Deadjump – Pulse (Radio Edit)
• Digital Factor – Mission Of No Return
• Gaping Chasm – To Be Free (Remix)
• Crying Silence – Gorazde
• Digital Warfare – Lunatic Asylum
• Intoxication – Neon Fashion
• Blast Of Silence – M.P.D.
• Chassalla – Black Nylons
• Consequence – Seductive
• Object – The Terrific Truth

Speaking of The Crocodiles though, December 23rd will be 12 years sober, provided I don’t get stupid between now and then, and again, nothing is certain. It’s been a hell of a ride, these last 12 and it’s all good. There’s been a lot of growth, more than the previous 48 combined. It’s just a question of what it really means though on December 24th. and what it really means is that it’s 12 years and one day. That’s it. The gifts are a daily thing. What do you get from the work? You get to be sober for another day. All that one day at a time, ODAAT stuff is real.

It’s enough though. It really is and it’s hard to say why. You do it and you know. If you don’t do the work you won’t. That’s the end of it.

I don’t ever want to turn this space into a sobriety forum though. There are plenty of those and my rumination isn’t going to help anyone, least of all me.

There’s a think line though between vigilance and anxiety. That’s going to feel different for different people. Keep that in mind.