Just for the record, this is not my photo. It’s the result of a Google search for an image that reflects the dull July heat that the city is under. I may have gone for something more melodramatic but I’m really more concerned with honesty. This would be the view I would want, from the stern of a boat headed for the Verrazano Narrows and out to see. Not a cruise ship, but my own boat. I want out.
Look , man… Don’t get me wrong. This whole pandemic thing has gone as well for me as can be expected for anyone. The job is still there. Hell, I’ve been through all the positives in my life already in previous installments. The last couple months have been magical in so many ways. Yet the itchy soles are really getting the best of me and there is no end in sight. That’s the issue, really. COVID-19 is still running roughshod over the entire country. A good part of the rest of the world has travel restrictions for Americans. There is no place to go and maybe that’s the issue. Just like you never need to piss so badly until you’re right outside the bathroom door, not going anywhere isn’t nearly as bad as not being allowed to go anywhere.
That big orange dumbass in Washington is finally wearing a mask in public, but he’s out in public to defend the actions of contracted soldiers (read mercenaries) who are have been employed (as in not deployed) to stomp on First Amendment rights of protesters (whom he calls terrorists). There’s all kinds of shit going on so that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The worst part of shit going on, provided you aren’t part of the shit on one end of the billy club or another is having no place go go so all you can do is sit round and watch the shit.
It’s a fair assessment of just how woke I actually wasn’t, that this is getting to be to the degree it is. That’s part of being “woke” though, isn’t it? It’s part of privilege. When you are of the privileged subset in society, you can decide just how woke you want to be. Guilty of merely virtue signaling? Yes, at least partly, I am, and I still long to escape it.
That’s my confession.
I’ve no other updates on the pandemic. It almost doesn’t even make sense to mention the virus at all. It’s all around us and within us. We’re all infected either directly or indirectly. It really is that strange psychedelic catalyst that stripped away all the filters and biases and exposed the narrative collapse. I’m going to have to repeat, we are deep into the spiritual and existential crises. There are still people stuffing down the blue pills and praying feverishly that things go back to “normal” but if it’s at all possible to unsee any of this, it’s going to take a while. People are going savage.
Would I go back to the blue pill world? No, despite my desire to run away for a bit, it’s not about unseeing. It’s about sustainability. It’s just about having a break. Even just getting these words out this morning relieves the pressure some.
That I am really better than okay through this is strange enough too. There are moments that I feel so good that it’s unsettling and I have to catch myself. It’s like, no dude, you busted your ass to get to the point where you can roll with shit the way you do. There are still moments… but they are much fewer and farther between.
For now, time to face the sweaty world.
My sweaty world… I’m going to start growing mushrooms if I don’t dry off soon!