World War III Radio: Synapscape – So What (1999)

It’s just past 6am and the first thunderstorm of the season is competing with German industrial music for my attention. The German industrial music is going to win. The beat is more consistent. The bass is more insistent. It’s going to win.

Synapscape is going to win. But I’m not hear to write about thunderstorms either, so…

Hello Monday.

Look, it’s not because my mood is so dark. That’s not it. My mood is not so dark. It’s not particularly dark at all. I’m okay. There’s just not all that much to talk about and plenty of people can wax poetic over thunder. Nobody needs someone else to do it.

And honestly, the music speaks for itself too.

So what’ on my mind? I don’t know really. I’m mulling over the words of someone I heard speak yesterday. He was talking at length about his love of God and for his life. The religion thing doesn’t bother me like it used to. Smarter people that myself have faith in a god or gods. That’s perfectly fine by me. It’s not my business and doesn’t really impact my daily life for the most part. It’s that this specific guy couldn’t resist throwing socio-political commentary and shade into his speech. It just made him seem angry. The shade gave his words a bitter aftertaste. There was a simmering anger in him and it showed. I mentioned it to my companion and she new immediately what I meant. Hell, maybe he was just having a tough moment but it triggered me. It emptied his words of meaning for me.

I’m actually envious of people with real faith. Somewhat envious as I believe I get on fine without it. But there are those people who seem so content in their faith that it makes me a little jealous. This was not the case last night. It just recalled so many times when someone who professed faith and a broad and wonderful spiritual life was in some way fucking with my life. It made me feel that I had just wasted an hour of my life on a liar. It’s not a good feeling.

If you’re going to lie about your God, you will lie about absolutely anything and everything. It makes me want to get away as fast as possible.


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