This mix is helping smooth my way through a rather rough day. Coming off a very good day it was difficult waking at 4 a.m. to a blazing headache and nausea. It’s about as close to a hangover as I’ve experienced in over ten years and it makes no sense at all, except that health things always have a reason, so… It’s not a flare-up, or at least not the usual manifestation of whatever it is that ails me. This mix though has made it easier. It helped me breathe smoothly and bring down the accompanying anxiety. This strange affliction…

It’s not entirely over, whatever it is that woke me miserably before the sun came up. It’s lingering long into the day. The one upside is that it convinced me to take a day to do absolutely nothing. No running out necessary. No running from necessary. No running to either. Just sitting here, despite the agony, and it is agonizing, is perfectly okay. I seem to have needed it. I’m at peace, despite being ill, and there is irony in that, but whatever. I’m okay.

My son texted and said he’s cooking oxtail and is bringing some down the hill from Park Slope. That’s added peace. I wonder sometimes if he’s angry at me for our little financial collapse five years ago. That’s probably my insecurity as a parent running away with me but it troubles me. Sometimes the idea that this random Universe allowed me to be a parent baffles me, though there are certainly many worse. Being a parent is like anything else. We are often our own worst critics. For all our successes we remember the failures the most. We humans are strange creatures. How did we end up with such huge, fragile egos?

So I am grateful for this day, even though I feel like hell. I am grateful for the stillness and the quiet. I am grateful for my son reaching out. I am grateful for the quiet patience of my dog. And yesterday, Saturday was great. I am grateful for the company and smiles and for sharing food and the fresh Autumn air.

Here’s the tracklist for this exceptional jazzhop/chillwave mix:

01 00:02 S N U G – Glad I Found You (Ft. Stuffed Tomato) 02 02:28 C4C & kokoro – Hello 03 04:48 pastels – How Romantic 04 07:50 ihaveaface – Drizzle *05 09:30 ayeon & lofty – grace’s lullaby (ft. leimomi) 06 10:36 Enzalla – Shy 07 13:48 Stuffed Tomato – Outside 08 16:08 Jordy Chandra – At Night Thinking About You (Ft. S N U G) 09 18:38 Ambulo & mell-ø – Stargazing 10 20:36 less.people – Modigliani Nu**s 11 23:14 S N U G – Your Glow (Ft. Refeeld) 12 25:46 Tune in with Chewie – Night Sky 13 28:18 Ayzic – Wisteria 14 31:08 illuwn & kioku – unknown fears 15 33:28 Dragon Roots – The Dragons Reprise 16 36:32 Flavour Fluffy – Whoa!6 17 39:34 Mujo & Hakone – Levitate 18 41:30 Hevi – Growing Up (Ft. Stuffed Tomato) 19 44:22 GentleBeatz – fireflies 20 46:40 Kainbeats – i dreamed of you (ft. S N U G)