Bit of a different vibe this morning, for no other reason than it’s different. Maybe it was time for a change of pace, or not. It still follows a theme. Very urban, and past, present and future all at once. I’m sitting here working on a plan for a way out, or two really. One a brief exploration outside the city if it can be arranged, and the other longer term. I’m going to have to dial it back to a reasonable few days into the future. The rest can wait until this brief sojourn is out of the way. The music can be in the past, present and future all at once, but it’s not a good mode for the head.
So let’s slow it down. Let’s take care of today, and then wake up tomorrow and take the next step. None of this is to say that that sense of manageability and clarity and peace has gone. It’s just about trying to get a running start when walking will do.
Andante, my friend.
There is always more time than I believe there is. A woman said to me the other day that she is always hung up on time, with clocks ticking and the like. I wanted to tell her to get out of my head. Time has always been a major source of anxiety, and not time on the planet or that existential bullshit, but getting places on time and lateness and all that. It always brings me place, work or social situations, far earlier than necessary, and then there is waiting. I spend a lot of time waiting when the time could have probably been better spent on the front end preparing. It seems impossible to pinpoint where this is rooted. It’s never seemed problematic for anyone around me. There’s never been any external pressure. It’s all some internal drive. A nervous condition.
Time is a construct. Time is an abstract. Time is man-made. I hear all these things and understand them to an extent, at least intellectually. The minute and second hands continue to race though. What’s that about anyway? It’s not even about time running out at the end of life, as I said, so… what? What’s going on?
Yah, what’s goin’ on?