It was absolutely not my intent to go down a neo-prog rabbit hole but the YouTube algorithms being what they are, you get served some oddities if you even lean slightly in any one direction. Hence, this morning there is Miasma & The Carousel of Headless Horses. Is it doing the trick this morning? Is it working? Is it the mood?

You know what?

No, and I don’t really care. It’s not not doing the trick. It’s pretty decent for what it is. It’s interesting. It’s moody and definitely on the dark side, if somewhat affected. I don’t give a fuck. My head’s not into explaining this, nor myself this morning. It’s some odd shit though for sure. Enjoy it.

We had the office holiday party yesterday, which was actually quite okay. They’re good people and they actually make a lot of allowances for my oddities. What more can a guy who doesn’t really fit in anywhere ask for? You can’t expect very much leeway anywhere you go. So…

Still weird to be the only sober person in a roomful of people in various stages of intoxication. It’s almost routine now after a dozen years of it. It’s also no more or less uncomfortable than a lot of rooms full of sober people I’ve been in, so there is that. You can’t count of feeling like you fit in when you’re in a group of people who’ve made a similar lifestyle choice to you. It’s cool if everyone sticks to the program, and that’s how it’s supposed to work in those situations but that doesn’t always happen that way either. Again, so…

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about sobriety. It’s that time of year again where I dribble on about what it means and doesn’t mean. I’m tempted to skip it but it’s on my mind. The fact is, it only means as much or as little as I say it does, and or apply in my day to day life. It can mean nothing at all. Whatever. It’s been a long time now and it’s definitely that time of year again when it feels like an inventory should be taken. Where do things stand? Where do I stand? How’s it going?

The inventory isn’t happening this morning, and it may not be public anyway. That hasn’t been decided yet. There’s also the yearly inventory, which is technically connected anyway since my anniversary and the New Year are so close. Might give that a pass too. It’s been an odd year and it hasn’t escaped me that there isn’t much time left here anyway, before the big transition to… to what? That remains to be be seen also. I have no answers regarding what comes next, if anything at all.

I’m hitting the ground running this morning. Not much else to say anyway. It’s almost 5am. Time to get moving.