Running on a theme here, I suppose with melancholic piano. Autumn sounds really. I stood in a storm swirl of bright golden leaves this morning, with my dog, and remembered what makes this season so special even here in a city of millions. When I came back in and sat down with my coffee, YVETTE YOUNG was at the top of the list of Youtube suggestions. One could hardly know what to expect with the cover art, a house on fire. This was hardly what came to mind.
It’s piano and strings actually, but still right on target after a night of strange dreams. They were the dreams you wake up momentarily from and think dear god what did I do to deserve that visitation. The details are already hazy but the holy shit moments of waking up are still with me. The main memory is of my cousin Cynthia, at perhaps ten years old, running up to me with a bunch of other children and putting a pistol in my hand.
“There’s someone trying to mess with the children. Kill him!”
Whoo boy, I guess you’d have to read far back into writing to find mention of my own childhood but this was a visitation. It was a haunting. It was the vestiges of guilt for not doing a better job eliminating my tormenter who certainly went on to harm others. This would be the most obvious interpretation though I know the most obvious interpretations often obscure the real point. This one seemed to spot on to look further though.
I’m absolutely okay this morning. It seems there are still lingering ghosts though. Doubt? Regret? It is whatever you want to call it, but I’m okay. A dream like this at one point in my life would have driven me to bed for days of depression and fear. I feel good though.
I’m off in a bit for early voting and to seek out some New York City eye candy. It’s Saturday morning and I’ve got itchy heels. I’ve got hot coffee, a full belly, and itchy heels. The skies are smoky gray and it just highlights the red and yellow leaves blowing around. It’s a perfect autumn day. The ghosts that visited last night don’t bother me. We’re approaching Halloween. They’re supposed to be here. Yes sir, they are supposed to be here.