Radio Quarantine: Trauma – Fractal I (1993)

TRAUMA… not to be confused with the West Coast metal band of the same name.

Fractal: a curve or geometric figure, each part of which has the same statistical character as the whole. Fractals are useful in modeling structures (such as eroded coastlines or snowflakes) in which similar patterns recur at progressively smaller scales, and in describing partly random or chaotic phenomena such as crystal growth, fluid turbulence, and galaxy formation.

I’ve no idea yet what that means in relation to this sort of ambient-industrial album but maybe it will come to me. In the meantime I will ride the vibe.

Up for an hour now after a pained, restless night. Going back to bed may be a better idea than pressing on, yet there’s an anxiousness keeping me at what feels like a charade today.

Hey, guess what I am now!

WRONG!

I am normal. I am pretending to feel normal. I may be too old for these feelings but they revisit from time to time. It’s like finding an outfit that you used to wear when you were much younger, and believing for a moment that it would be really cool if you wore it out someplace. Or maybe that’s not what it is. Maybe it’s just anxiousness and it can’t be defined. It doesn’t feel good though. I don’t feel good.

I don’t feel good.

It will pass but at the moment I don’t feel good at all. Something is not right. That’s a certainty. The only uncertainty is whether to push forward or turn out the lights and roll over.

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