It was a broken night. Not shattered. No drama or god forbid violence. Just broken, like a piece of furniture, a bed maybe that finally had enough gravity. What’s the line? The center cannot hold. The center came out and collapsed with little fanfare onto the floor below it. It was a weary night, slogging back and forth to the commode every so often without quite waking. It wasn’t insomnia so much as not caring enough about sleep to sleep. It’s all good.
It was a broken night that gave way to a frigid morning with a cold sun. It’s that time of year where the sun will come up for certain as the sun always comes up, but rather than rise it will creep along the horizon casting long shadows. There are some long shadows this morning and you can take that from any angle you wish. Shadows of trees and buildings. Shadows of this and that. Conversations from yesterday. Feelings. Feelings cast the longest shadows. The sun never entirely rises on feelings, does it? It’s a perpetual twilight where feelings are concerned. Maybe it’s best that they’re never exposed to direct light anyway. We probably don’t want to examine them too closely and in the semi-light we can pretend they are good or bad for us as the mood takes us.
So with the sun coming up low on the horizon I got up the same way and walked the dog and prepared coffee. I try to put on music every morning to get things moving. To get my worn gears turning against one another and pushing through. Today it was a German DJ/producer called Paul Kalkbrenner whom I’d never heard of before but techno and all that was never my scene. I only took the time to explore a little during early lockdown in this whole mess because the whole situation called for an open mind and something new. I’ve made that joke before, that 2020 was the year I got so fucking bored that I listened to techno. It’s good for a chuckle but the truth is it’s something I just never got around to, for whatever reason.
This Kalkbrenner guy has a mood. He has a vibe. Or perhaps the mood has been curated by whoever put this mix together. Maybe they were having one of these mornings with the long shadows and the chill. I probably spend too much time examining the motivations of others and not nearly enough looking at my own. Who knows? It’s not a good morning to beat myself up. Why do that anyway? I’ve done my penance for most of my crimes in this world in this lifetime. I wouldn’t call myself innocent but I’ve paid for my misdeeds. Most of them.
So what are the plans for today? Hard call. There’s still a war going on, isn’t there? I’ll settle in here with Paul Kalkbrenner and monitor the scanners for a bit, and then decide if it’s safe to venture out beyond the block.