I’m a little too fried to write this coherently but I was party to a conversation at work that locked my eyebrow in the upwards-Spock position. Of course this reference will be lost to most people under a certain age but Google Leonard Nimoy as Spock in Star Trek and check the brow.

We hired an 18 year old a week out of high school to work in our sales team. Not a bad kid at all, but… a kid. He graduated and was moved to an apartment in Bushwick a week later, so he’s got a brass set for a young guy, for sure. He gets some ribbing on age from the guys in their 20s and he takes it mostly in stride but it’s not hard to see he’s irritated. I’ve signaled a couple times to go easy. It’s the parent in me. It’s the former kid who took a lot of teasing in me. It’s just cringy to see teasing of any sort. As ballsy as he is, he’s 18 and vulnerable.

And a little thick.

Yesterday one of the guys pointed at a 24 year old and then to me and told him, “this is your trajectory. This is your future.” The boy looked at me in shock and answered… and I quote:

“HIM? No way. No way. Not him!”

There was time my feelings might have been hurt, but one thing that age can give you, if you let it, is perspective. It was absolutely irritating, mostly because he doesn’t know a thing about me, but it didn’t hurt my feelings really. He did double down on it though with no real explanation and it the other guys were kind of incredulous that he’d have the nerve to speak like that, so I intervened:

“Okay, firstly, we’re on deadline and the witty office repartee isn’t helping. Secondly, Andrew… You’re going to have to work very hard over the next 40 years to be anything like me, because you have to start where I started at 18 and frankly, you’re not there yet.

He was dumbstruck, so I followed:

“If you have any questions, we can address them later, but for now, refer back to the firstly. We’re on deadline. You’ve been hired to do a man-sized job, so act like a man. And be careful who you openly criticize the way you are, because not everybody is as understanding as I am and your next correction with another grown-ass man could be really ugly. I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

His attitude was better today.

So my reaction in print sounds defensive and hostile, but it’s not what I felt. I felt compassion, because I recall the many times I’ve needed correction, even in my adult life. Being stupid doesn’t always come naturally. Knowing who your peers are and aren’t doesn’t come naturally. Getting along in many situations sure as hell doesn’t come naturally. I am grateful as fuck for all the guys who didn’t knock my block off over the years and I’m even more grateful for a couple that did. The lessons saved me many worse fates. I’m certain of that.

I watched him closely today and he was a lot better. Was I better? There was nothing really wrong. It did make me wonder though exactly what I present to a stranger that age. There may be some things I should tone down a bit. Maybe not. It was weird though. Granted he doesn’t have a lot of worldly experience and I am probably very different than his dad or any adult he’s interacted with to any extent.

Very different. And it’s a good thing I’m okay with that. Good for him. Good for me. It was weird though and I’m still looking closely at it and looking closely at myself. It’s strange to be in a semi-parental role with young men who are not my sons. That’s where I am though. What lesson should I be imparting. They do look to me and that wasn’t clear until the last couple weeks. Even the guys in their 20s are looking to me for… Well, that’s to be determined.