The most jarring memories of this situation, if the internet chatter is anything to go by (and aside from the horrible number of fatalities) will be memories of empty streets in New York City. Any other city on lockdown applies. Recalling sci-fi/horror films like 28 Days Later, I Am Legend or any number of others, it’s chilling to see empty avenues that are normally teeming. There is a bit more traffic out front on the Expressway this morning than in recent mornings but the middle of the night is nearly silent. The odd car goes by. There are occasional sirens from ambulances. There is no foot traffic at all when usually, if you’re sitting up unable to sleep, you will hear quiet conversations or an intermittent laugh.

The photo archives of empty streets are building. It’s hard to imagine how it might be at whatever point that the lockdown is lifted. It’s impossible not to wonder if things will go back to what they were before, despite that history tells us that they certainly will. I’m still working on accepting or even embracing the quiet. I’m coming to terms that my greatest fear beyond being noticed at all is simply disappearing and never being noticed. The ego is funny that way, leading one to internalize even the most impersonal changes around oneself and make it all about the Almighty I. I’m not amused yet to the point of laughter but that’s my goal. I want to be able to look in the mirror and say, dude, how ridiculous you are to make this all about you. It’s just me and the dog though so it’s not easy to make it about anyone else.

Off now to take care of the disciplines that have helped keep me level. There is a gratitude list to be made. There is meditation. There is work. Work has helped keep me level and I am definitely grateful that I’m not yet one of the employment casualties.

The headache came in hard in the wee hours. I’m feeling somewhat shaky with a tele-appointment later this morning. Going to push through in the meantime.

Time to make myself useful.