Small Screen Quarantine: Zombieland (2009) Zombieland: Double Tap (2019)

Aaaand then there are things that exist in this world for no other reason than for cheap laughs and that’s okay. Real life is just jacked up enough most days to set some times aside to jack off, literally or figuratively.

Nut up or shut up, but take some time to tune out. Make time to enjoy the little things.

You need to kill some time during lockdown? Of course you do. Why not go through this partial list of rules that Columbus made to survive Zombieland and see which ones apply to your day to day life before and after COVIDland.

  1. Cardio
  2. The Double Tap
  3. Beware of Bathrooms
  4. Wear Seat Belts
  5. No Attachments
  6. The “Skillet”
  7. Travel Light
  8. Get a Kick Ass Partner
  9. With your Bare Hands
  10. Don’t Swing Low
  11. Use Your Foot
  12. Bounty Paper Towels
  13. Shake it Off
  14. Always carry a change of underwear
  15. Bowling Ball
  16. Opportunity Knocks
  17. Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
  18. Limber Up
  19. Break it Up
  20. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
  21. Avoid Strip Clubs
  22. When in doubt Know your way out
  23. Ziplock
  24. Use your thumbs
  25. Shoot First
  26. A little sun screen never hurt anybody
  27. Incoming!
  28. Double-Knot your Shoes
  29. The Buddy System
  30. Pack your stain stick
  31. Check the back seat
  32. Enjoy the little things
  33. Swiss army Knife

My take is that most of them will apply at some point or another in my own life, but the decision on which applies to which situations usually doesn’t need to be made as quickly as in Zombieland. “Nut up or shut up” will get you through most situations, because being an adult means that you’re rarely the one making the rules, and “Double Tap” is always a sound strategy.

Always.

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