I happened to click on this comp because of the image. Similar to record shopping it’s often just an interesting image on the cover that draws me in. It was Moksori’s little confession or essay that drew me in further though. I’m going to copy and paste it in case in a fit of melancholy it gets taken down. It’s sweet and sad and pulled at my heart:
“I’m 23. Two years out of college and sitting on my 5-yr bachelor’s degree. I’m basically a hikikomori rotting away in my youth. I’ve failed all the job interviews I’ve ever been to because I have no confidence in myself and could never hold a smile. I despise small talk and dread committing to new friendships. I’ve burned all the bridges I’ve ever crossed and I’ve thought of ways of jumping off the last one. I am a burden to anyone I know and I’m not doing anything to improve it. I am a worthless nothing and probably deserve all this darkness after all the things I have done and the many things that I have not.
I’m not sure if these are the right words to say or if this is even the right way of doing it but I wanted to let you know, whatever you’re going through, you’re never alone in your pain. I’d like to think a lot of us here share the same lost souls. I don’t watch anime or movies like most of this channel’s subscribers. I only listen to the songs because they help clear my mind and give me a sort of peace. I hope this small part of the internet becomes your refuge as well. I’ve only ever seen one blatant asshole in the comments who wasn’t me and quickly removed their comment so please talk about anything you feel comfortable talking about.
I read all the comments. I appreciate all your nice words about the playlists, the lovely stories about your Japanese music journeys, and the unfortunate ones about how we’re all miserable these past months.
I don’t think I’m anywhere close to being well. I still get overwhelmed about a lot of things. I still struggle replying to comments here. I always feel terrible not including artists suggested in the comments and I’m always nervous about how these playlists are perceived by this little community we’ve got going on. I still do a lot of self-pity and I’m still very cynical and stubborn. But I stopped crying like I used to. I’ll get by. I believe we all will.”
Everyone needs a place for these confessionals. It’s Youtube for Moksori, and hopefully it’s therapeutic or at least cathartic. It should probably be more. Therapy would most likely be helpful but I understand anyone’s hesitation to begin that process. It’s a long road to better, and longer to well. It does get better, or rather as the saying goes, the world doesn’t get better but you get better. That’s what I would offer as an old hikikomori to a young hikikomori. Hang in there, and yes, the music helps.
- 0:01 Cheng Bi – 独唱: ぬかるみ (Cappella: Muddy) 0:37 satomoka – 友達 (Friend) 3:53 Uri Nakayama – 石神井川であいましょう (Let’s meet at the Shakujii River) 8:02 Ginga Soup – 潮と学生服 (Tide and school uniform) 11:24 Ai Iwasaki – 籠の鳥 (Bird’s cage) 14:44 Yuichi Ohata – 光を描く人 Hikari Wo Egakuhito 17:25 Shugo Tokumaru – Tightrope 22:25 Tomoyo Harada – Tokimeki no Accident 25:39 Priscilla Ahn – Sayonara Color (Orig. by SUPER BUTTER DOG) 30:28 Kenta Maeno – 伊豆の踊り子 (The Izu Dancer) 33:34 Sachi Tainaka – 小さな家 Chiisana Ie (Small house) 37:14 Yuki Murakami – 自転車でおいで Jitensha de oide (Come to the bicycle) 41:02 Okada Takuro – Morning Sun 44:57 Chiaki Sano – 窓を閉じたらおやすみ (Good night when I close the window) 49:27 Hanaregumi – ねむるのまち ~Tidur Tidur~ (Sleeping Town)
And just for clinical reference: HIKIKOMORI